The Daily Gaggle

Mr KERRY PACKER (A GREAT AUSTRALIAN) And formerly Australia's wealthiest person, passed away on Monday Jan- 26. His demise is attributed to heart and kidney failure. On a lighter note, many notable people have suggested that, Kerry, would have secured his future in advance. Kerry being a Fun person and someone who enjoyed life to the full, It is now expected that HEAVEN will soon be getting its first TV and Radio Networks, Plus Casino's and Slot machines, One Day 50 overs Cricket and Horse Racing. The only way myself and many other people became involved with Kerry, was to contribute to his wealth. Kerry I have been told was a great Philanthropist, although a few Billion would hardly put a dent into his balance. I personally never came in contact with Kerry, however most people who did regarded him as a great person and a good guy. Those intending to depart for higher places soon will have the surprise of their(New Life) Thanks to Kerry. VALE KERRY.

The following preamble is a laymans explanation of the rules of cricket to the people of North America . You have two sides, one out in the field and one in. Each man that's in goes out, and when he is out he comes in and the next man goes in until he is out. When one side are all out, the side that's been out comes in and the side that has been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out. Sometimes you get men still in and not out. When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man goes out and goes in. There are two men called umpires who are all out all the time, and they decide when the men who are in are out. When both sides have been in and all the men have been out, and both sides have been out twice, after the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game. The general rules of actual play are saturated with a glossary of terms and conditions with sub rules, with the ...

Make the World a better Place. Dear santa and elves and reinder, hi my name is Dayna and I am 7 years old. How are you? For ChristmistI would like 1, pet buney, 2 pet dog jerman sheped pointer, 3. a pet horse,4 a toy and much more.and to make the world a better place, 1, help the poor people, 2, give clean water, 3 give donasans for people, 4, give a good christmis to all people in the world, And what I think abiat Christmist-I dekorate the home, 2, be good and be holly, 3, give love and canpassion. FROM ME Dayna, Lisaro. (Written with a bit of conniving from mom probably, V) WE SHOULD PICK UP THE DOG POO Dear santa. I would like a Bratz Doll thank you. I want people to pick up their rubbish, scrub the writings off the buildings, pick up their dog poo, no garbage in the sea or down the drain. Be nice to each other, listen to your Mum and Dad. a smile is free. be happy. Love Mollie, 6, Kariong. (With help from mum again. V) Can I have a pair of wheelies. Dear Santa, For Christmas I ...

It does appear that those who were ostracised by the govt of that 'One balled Chocolate waffling vegetarian Mr Shicklegruber, are now in total control of the media industry and walk hand in hand with their former enemies; the industrial and political Fascists. Both Ideoligies seemingly working together lovingly. Why do 95% of film makers; despite the many differing creeds and racial origins globaly, always dominate their scripts with hebrew names for their actors. Mind you, cronyism and nepotism is rife within the film industry and would seem that since the dawn of the Hollywood film set up, the Cecil B De- Mille's, Fred Zimmerman's, Goldberg's and Spielbergs and the like, have passed down opportunities to their own extended families and creed, hence a few years ago an Australian fronting up for his film industry award stated to the embarrassment of many present,"Seems like I am the only Gentile here tonight". I am sick of people who play the role's of pe...

PLEASE feel free to comment, get it off your chest before the year runs out, about anything you wish to say. NO DELETIONS UNLESS THEY ARE OBSCENE. VEST: I would like to say hello to my OLD shipmates of the HMS King George V assoc in the U/K to whom I will send a new JLS pen to replace their misplaced one ; should they comment here. We of the assoc in Australia have recently returned from a hilarious holiday in Coffs Harbour, going wild and enjoying life to the full, (Read your news letter)My beautiful Lady and myself are sailing down to Tasmania mid Jan, those of you who haven't yet lost their marbles will remember our ship going there Jan-8-46, and the great reception we had from the locals. Reading your news letters really has me wondering what your domestic lives entail, as your assoc annual meanderings appear to be in need of a vitality boost, your several minor adventures were mostly centred around boring venues; unctious church services and retiring to your beds at 9PM, ...

Where in heavens name is Vandiemans Land Er indoors and I are off on a voyage of rediscovery on Jan-26-05. For the inquisitive check it out on Google. I first visited Vandiemans Land Jan-8-1946, shortly after repairs to the ship I served on; The 'HMS King Geoge V', a huge Battleship during WW2, called into Hobart while on its journey home to England. Unfortunately the ship was booked out for the Jan- 6-05 sailing, however, the sea journey from Sydney to Devonport; on the north of Vandiemans Land takes 22 hours, my darling and I are taking our car and have a cabin to our selves. Total cost for the return sea journey and ten days motel accom is estimated at less than Aus-$2,000, or US $1,500 plus spending money, the cost of the car on the ship is included. Keep your eye on this website early Feb for this fabulous story of rediscovery to unfold. I hope to return with a host of TASMANIAN jokes to unleash onto my Nth American and Brit bloggers about Australias only Island State ...

The good news is my CAT SCAN has indicated that, I could be around for a few more years yet, provided I make an attempt to take up more healthy pursuits. mind you I still have a few aches and pains WITCH my Doctor; who is Chinese/Indonesian (racism not intended) tells me my problems are indicative to social excesses; as he pushes his account into my reluctant hand and asks " Why you look at me so suspiciously". Not a very good night at the club on Friday, we left early due to a club member at our table who has a high opinion of himself deciding to crack jokes about Penises and BJs, who then objected to a nearby person using the 'F' word in front of his gibbering woman. However Sat night was far better at the Soccer Club, a 'Fleetwood Mac' tribute show, we then got to bed at 2am. Sunday Dec-4. We were rudley awakened by an air rescue Chopper landing close by in our quiet secluded street, at 6 something am. Peering out of the window we saw one wrecked red car o...

Here's something you might like to look at. Click on image to make text readable

A Study of my web stats indicates only about 2% of visitors commented on the previous posts relating to the Gold Card. Not interested, only for oldies and we will never get it attitude possibly by oldies, too proud are you? what a shame, well a lot of you will boot the bucket earlier than you anticipate due to your complacency,and the Govt will double dip due to your earlier departure, the futility of it all will bring gleeful joy to the yellow toothed Uber Rodents in Canberra. At last I received a letter from De-anne Kelly MP Minister of Veteran Affairs; via my Federal MP Jill Hall; thanks Jill for your efforts to help,you have done your best for us. but it is a losing fight for the aged British Vets, the numbers of those in dire need would be around the lower hundreds. I shall not consider myself as one of those unfortunates, I being only 80 and only suffering from asbestos related pleurosy. Mind you our Fed Govt is doing a great job and has managed to spend about $65 million bucks f...

Like most of us vets did during WW2 and then choose to migrate and remain in Australia as Citizens for up to SIXTY YEARS. You will be technically referred to as 'Lower Grade Australians.' If you put your life on the line in the defence of Australia in times of war, as did friends relatives and other colleagues of mine and who died as a result, also the other men who survived the horrors of war and chose to stay or migrate to Australia at the first opportunity and become Australians by choice, you must pass a stringent test, and on graduation you will be invited to sing, "We are-you-are-wer'e all Australians" etc. But wait!! That is only until when you apply for The Elusive Veterans Medical benefits 'GOLD CARD'. At this point you will be informed, "Well!! you are not really Australians are you". This degrading Gold Card fiasco is a blight on the democratic principles of the Australian Federal Govt, This type of discrimination is similar to that sh...

I am left wondering, under what circumstances and by whose whimsical conception WHY ? the hard attitudes of consecutive bigoted Federal Governments of the People of Australia, have decreed that, the Magnitude of the Sacrifice and Achievements by the men of the British Royal Navy in the Pacific Theatre of war 1944-1945, by whose actions gave enormous benefit to our country Australia and its people, should be ignominously considered contentious and unequal to Australians 'Born and Bred. Sir, If such system of measurement exists, it would be purely hypothetical and genetically passed on by successive leaders who have an axe to grind, and who better to dislike than the Boss or Mother Country, from whence we came to do our bit. To those 'True Blue Australians' who served with us on British ships and those who crewed borrowed British ships I say well done,you deserve your Medical benefits 'GOLD CARD'. I would also like to thank the Royal Australian Navy for their role in ...

FLEET STRENGTH AT THE TIME OF THE JAPANESE SURRENDER BRITISH PACIFIC FLEET AND BRITISH EAST INDIES FLEET Battleships, 40,000 ton 4. / 2, one French Fleet Aicraft Carriers 5. Escort Aircraft Carriers 12. / 16 Heavy & light Cruisers . 6 to 8,000 Tons 10, 2 NZ,1 Canadaian. / 13, 1 Dutch Destroyers 40, 6 on loan to RAN. / 45, 1 dutch 2 French ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The above ships formed the fighting force, except the 6 RAN destroyers on N A S Duties escorting Supply Ships and 'Bringing up the Mail' The "GOLD CARD MEN' -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Frigates & Sloops 31./ 59, 5 R Indian Navy Submarines 29. /14 Minesweepers 33./ 31, 15 R INDIAN NAVY Landing ships - 21. Maintenance/Repair ships 15. /21. Fleet Oil Tankers 22. Hospital Ships 6. Ammunition & Store Ships 43. TOTALS 245 Ships in all. 222 Ships in all. ------------------------------------------...

LEAST OF ALL I EXPECTED SOME RESPONSE FROM THE PERSONS WHO MAY HAVE BENEFITTED BY THE OFFER OF THE VETERANS (AUS)MEDICAL BENEFITS GOLD CARD So it seems you only have your selves to blame, that, my platitudes have fallen on the deaf ears of the cheats in Canberra. Oct 4, I received a letter from people who described themseles as an offshoot of the (RSL)Returned Servicemans League. I was offered tickets for the chance to win a posh house in Queensland(Fat Chance) at $5-00 a pop. The benefits from this lottery going to Australian ex Servicemen, like legacy etc. As a British ex service man who fought for Australia during WW2, and not a gold card recipient, I wrote in reply to their letter telling them where to stuff their begging letter, why in heavens name should I be considered unworthy of recognition, yet be expected to pay the beer and poker machine expenses of some of the fit and healthy and some younger gold card recipients I know, who frequent my local clubs and pubs. Don't they...

Will the presentation of this Medallion soften the hearts of Canberra Bean Counters ? Last month I was informed by the Dept of Veteran Affairs that I among many others would be presented with a special medallion which commemorates the 60th anniversary of the end of WW2 in the Pacific, this medallion was to be presented to me by my Federal member of parliament Jill Hall, whom I remember as a helpful and industrious person. The presentation was low key(Save me the detail) . I took notice that about 30% of the recipients were expat Brits who served in the Pacific during WW2, I was photographed together with Jill Hall (MP), I then received a small box containing a gold coloured medallion, it was enscribed - WORLD WAR 2 SERVICE TO AUSTRALIA. inside of the box a message on a small card states: It is presented in 2005 by the Australion govt on behalf of the Australian people to those who served this nation and her allies during the war from 1939 to 1945. I also received a folded 6x8inch com...

The first requirement for this elusive 'Gold Card is that, you were born in Australia, or if you migrated to Australia and served in the armed services and faced the enemy in the defence or in the interests of Australia; in or overseas. You dont have to be wounded in action or become the holder of a distinctive decoration, you may be a non combatant in a designated war zone, and of course you must be an Australian citizen at the time of qualification and at the time of the receipt of the award and more than 72 years of age. I am a ex British serviceman who served in the British Navy for nearly four years during WW2, Korea and middle east conflicts. Based in Sydney Australia during WW2, the last nine months was spent at sea in the Pacific serving with Australians and the United States forces until the surrender of Japan. At the end of hostilities, a vast number of British servicemen stayed on in Australia, some illegally I am told, most of whom became Australian citizens, some ...

Saturday Sept 10; "THE FAB FOUR" Best band on the circuit, great stuff, Always TEN OUT OF TEN. Sunday Sept 11."RAGGEDY AN" Duo. Come again, An EIGHT point FIVE. VEST Daily Gaggle.

While engaged in domestic chores in the back garden, Aug 2, I sliced the webbing between my left forefinger and thumb. The deep cut produced about half an armful of blood and the missus freaked out when she SAW it, however, the missus has recovered from the shock. Incidently, my left hand is expected to be fully recovered within a week from now; when the Doc will remove the needle-work, meanwhile I am typing at 5 wpm on right hand drive. Expressions of sympathy will be warmly welcomed. Vest, Daily Gaggle.

I have recently read a post on 'The Zombie Slayers Blog Spot' which relates to this problem and readers comments suggesting remedies to curb the violence which unfortunately occurs too frequently during road rage situations. Bloggers ; please feel free to comment, any suggestions that may antagonize the problem such as; smash his/her head in with your club lock will be carefully scrutinised and be possibly deleted. Bloggers are reminded, that J L Spencers book 'Waving Goodbye To A Thousand Flies' at US/$21-95 Would make a great Christmas present, or you could be real mean and keep it for yourself. click on the logo or email me for more details,

FIRST OF ALL WE CELEBBRATE THE QUEENS BIRTHDAY on the WRONG DAY. The second Monday in June. The Queens birthday is actually the 21st day in April. SECONDLY THE BRITISH REMEMBER THE FALLEN IN WAR on the nearest sunday to the eleventh day of November. Is this in order to eliminate the workforce from indulging in yet another public holiday on REMEMBRANCE DAY. NOV 11 YESTERDAY Wednesday 29 June 2005. THE BRITISH STARTED THE 200th ANNIVERSARY OF THE (Sea) BATTLE OF TRAFALGAR CELEBRATIONS. ( Admiral Horatio Nelson and the HM SHIP of the line HMS VICTORY, currently preserved in dry dock in Portsmouth England and aged about 240 years, being the main attraction, together with a large contingent of British Commonwealth and visiting foreign Warships). The problem is, myself not being dimwitted as their Lords and Commissioners of the Admiralty(M O D: NAVY) seem to be, would like to point out that, the BATTLE OF TRAFALGAR WAS FOUGHT ON; THE TWENTY FIRST DAY OF OCTOBER 1805. Incidently; it was on...

Our ship and crew sailed north to the conflict in company of a vast number of other warships on Feb 28 1945. The period of three months involving operation 'Iceberg' which included eight weeks of continual contact with the enemy and lesser periods of involvement, near places like Okinawa 'The big one', on all fools day April 1, Easter Sunday 1945, where American forces landed and other places like Ishigaki, Myako shima and Sakashima gunto. In my precarious, unenviable action station on the air defence position, I could see Kamikases galore. on many occasions, the brown trouser situation seemed imminent, but I was convinced that I was far too young to die; there were far too many more exciting things for me to achieve before that happened. After leaving the operational area, we called into the U S A base at Guam in the Marianas. With us Were our escorting destroyers, The HM Ships Troubridge , Tenacious and Termagent. The crews enjoyed the shore recreational facilities a...

OUR SPORTING HEROES? SORRY ICONS er BETTER STILL ARSEHOLES ARE UP TO THEIR LOONEY RAMPAGING ONCE AGAIN. IF IT ISN'T RAPE PILLAGE AND BIFF CARNAGE FROM THE BIG LEAGUE BRAIN-DEAD GOONS, WE HAVE THE GORMLESS LOW ACHIEVING MUTTONHEAD TEENAGE THUGBY LEAGUE PLAYERS RUNNING AMOK LIKE CRAZED MARAUDING NEANDERTHALS. THE LATEST IGNOMINOUS ACTIVITIES BY THIS HORDE OF OPEN-MOUTHED GLARING IMBECILES HAS BEEN THEIR SENSELESS TRASHING OF PROPERTY BELONGING TO THE 'BANANA MOTEL': AT "COFFS HARBOUR, NSW. I HAVE SPOKEN TO MY FRIENDS AND COLLEAGUES AND IT HAS BEEN SUGGESTED THAT OVER AND ABOVE THE AMOUNT OF RESTITUTION TO BE PAID; A SIX MONTH JAIL TERM ADDED PLUS TWELVE STROKES OF THE RATTAN CANE WOULD BRING THESE BULLY BOYS TO ORDER. The list of damaged property seems endless, more than a dozen forms of multiple destruction. should we allow this needless tempestuos dissident crazy mob to ride rough shod over us, I THINK NOT! Will you WIMP this out or have your say?

Chapelle Corby, The 27 year old Australian beauty consultant,Will be incarcerated in a Indonesian prison for the next 20 years, for allegedly smuggling 4.5 kilos of Marijuana. Corby will receive no special privileges apart from comfort gifts of food and personal items. It is not expected that, the Australian Govt will assist Corby, or interfere in the case. A un-named Indonesian drug offender, serving 4 years in a Australian prison for a similar offence, has been afforded the privilege of 'Day Release', so that he is able to earn aprox Aus$400-00 per week to enable to him to support his Indonesian dependants. The Senior Indonesian Judge responsible for the conviction of Corby, is paid a salary To the equivalent of Aus$7,000-00 per Ann. A Single Australian Male; Dole Recipient,is awarded the equivalent of Aus$12,500-00 Per Ann. for doing absolutely sod all. The Indonesian Prisoner In Australia on day release earns the equivalent of Aus$20,800-00 per Ann. Now this info is availab...

The WOBBLIES WOBBLY CULT has now reached the USA, CANADA, GREAT BRITAIN, and now AUSTRALIA. The Book by the well known Author 'JOHN LEONARD SPENCER, Titled ' WAVING GOODBYE TO A THOUSAND FLIES'; Has spawned a great deal of interest in the term ' Wobblies', used frequently by a charactor in his book, when describing Ladies breasts or what was, as the new cult followers state; were once referred to as TITs And other common names. JOHN LEONARD SPENCER, is now promoting his book on this site. EXCERPTS from his book may be read by clicking on the book Cover image. Some excerpts referring to the term wobblies are as follows. Bob then continued saying " Uncle Albert had described me as an unusual sort, who had not only a fetish , but a gourmet attitude whe it came to to ladie's Wobblies. We had a different conductor on the bus on the way home, he was more considerate than the other conductor who objected to my groping Emily's wobblies, and suggested I s...

The reason for this Happy announcement is, because I am Zachary's Great grand Uncle. Congratulations to Louise and Simon

A Wild West U/S Town was in a pre election frenzy. The two main Antagonists were a Democrat(labor) bloke wearing red and the republican (conservative) in blue. Rolling into town was the Medicine man with his horse and cart. Both political candidates challenged the medicine man on the validity of his claim, that, his Blue and Red medicines cured certain types of illness at differing times of the year. He Stated. The Red medicine was made from the bark at the top of the LACITILOP tree at the height of summer. The Blue Medicine was made from the bark at the bottom of the LACITILOP tree during the depths of winter. These medications are very similar to those you pollies propose to inflict on the general public, during your pathetic efforts to cure the financial woes of the state. But the truth is, MR RED if you allow him, will skin you from the earholes down. MR BLUE I am certain, will skin you from the toe nails upward.

HAS RETURNED TO CRUNCH THOSE RIGHT WING CONSERVATIVE SCUMBAGS. Of course this is a matter of opinion, I would prefer to hear he was lost in the amazon jungle without hope of rescue. Remember : Your Good News Wish must be sensational or controversial..... no lotto dreams.....Babies .....Weddings ..... or death wishes. VENT YOUR SPLEEN RIGHT HERE.... NOW!!

This may not be important to most people. However, To my friends and associates of the HMS King George V Assoc, FREDERICK HALLIDAY (FRED) was a real Friend, a Mate and pleasant to the extreme, who will be sorely missed by us, and most of all by Freds dear lady Betty, to whom on behalf of the assoc, we send our deepest condolences. I first met Fred when he was stoking the donkey boiler (Hot water supply) on the jetty at Liverpool England, when our ship the large Battleship HMS King George V was refitting while in the dry dock. It was during WW2, when most of us were just young boys on joining the ship, but matured to the extreme by the end of hostilities. Most had served three or more years in the Royal Navy and by then had reached the ripe old ages between nineteen and twenty two. I joined at 15 and 5 months on 7-1- 42. Many years later an association was formed in Australia by former crew members of this famous ship that served with distinction both in Europe and in the Pacific areas ...

SEND IT BACK OR TO SOMEONE ELSE Junk Mail Help: When you get 'ads' enclosed with your phone or utility bill, return these 'ads' with your payment. Let the sending companies throw their own junk mail away. When you get those 'pre-approved' letters in the mail for everything from credit cards to 2nd mortgages and similar type junk, do not throw away the return envelope. Most of these come with postage- paid envelopes, right? It costs them more than the regular postage 'If ' and when they receive them back. It costs them nothing if you throw them away, but the postage charges increase according to weight, so in that case, why not get rid of some of your other junk mail and put it into these cool postage return envelopes. ANOTHER GREAT IDEA is: Send an ad for your local plumber or chimney cleaner to American Express and a Pizza coupon with the assortment of supermarket gunge to Citybank. if you become over loaded with junk mail, stuff it in an old large u...

Patronage of the HALEKULANI Bowling Club, has in the past attracted persons of mature age in the main, and mature age memberships will continue to assist the club in its operations, while the elderly continue to retire in the area. However, it seems the HALEKULANI Bowlo is intent on self destruction, and without the help of the present downturn in club finances; due to the excessive pokie tax imposed by our state Govt. Mainly on a Friday evening, patronage is sometimes that poor in the entertainment (dance) area, that ten fingers are enough to count the audience. There are many excuses for this sort of occurrence offered by the club management, but none that add up. The main reason for this phenomenon is the reappearance of bands or artiste's who fail to impress their audiences time after time, so the punters become really pissed off and trot off to Doylo Rissole or the Budgie roundball Club, so at the the end of the nights booze up they spend more on the plonk as these clubs Who c...

(1) The three little words are "Hold On Please...." Saying this,while putting down the telephone and walking off(instead of hanging up immediately)would make each telemarketing call so much more time consuming that boiler room sales would grind to a halt. Then when you eventually hear the phone company's "beep-beep-beep" tone, you know it's time to go back and hang up your handset, which has efficiently completed its task. These three little words will help to eliminate telephone soliciting. (2)Do you receive ANNOYING PHONE CALLS with no one on the other end ? This is a telemarketing technique where a machine makes telephone calls and records the time of day when a person answers the phone. This ruse is used to determine the best time for a Real sales person to call back. What you can do after answering.If you notice there is no one there, is to immediately start hitting your # Button on the phone 6 or 7 times, as quickly as possible.This confuses the machin...

If you are told not to walk across the paddock wearing a red shirt and get gored by the bull in doing so, you are an IDIOT. Put your head in a Lions mouth or stand in the middle of the freeway in dense fog or put your goolies under the office guillotine to check it out, you are an IDIOT. It is no less stupid; especially after being constantly warned of the severe penalties available to Loonies who are less intelligent than a sniffer dog, to go to a foriegn country and attempt to smuggle drugs either in or out, with the prospect of a mandatory death sentence being imposed if apprehended. So you are smart and get through one end of the journey, well there is another search at the other end. Maybe you will get away with it the first time, but not always, soon you will become careless and be caught. So if you are travelling with drugs in your possession you become a danger to yourself as well as others. I am not in favour of capital punishment, however a sound thrashing periodically adm...

My Family sit down to dinner-tea -whatever around 5-6pm. To keep talk to the minimum we watch free to air news on the TV- Puctuated by irritating adverts which neither amuse or hold our attention. Our Favourite Disgusting mealtime advert is about the Smelly yellow diseased large toenail which opens up along with its accompanying chatter about smelly fungi and microbes. The equal favourite, is the Pensioners Insurance lady, who gabbles on like a Spanish-fishwife, without coming up for air. Or what is your favourite advert that has you sending missiles flying at the telly.

Doddering dozing dreadfully incompetant judges making decisions, or passing judgement on court proceedings that they have little if any; inkling of. Apparently there have been many occasions where Judges - Magistrates and the like have been seen to nod off during court proceedings and then passing judgement. Surely the public should not have to put up with this sort of behaviour, and if proven the crown(Govt) should be made liable to bear all costs of a further hearing. Are we sliding back to the hanging Judge Jeffries and Drunken Judge Adv Bowyer-Akins style of justice.

Here we go again. People griping and whining about speeding ..parking and other fines, common to brainless drivers in charge of petrol propelled misssiles who deserve what they cop, and should they complain be charged double. A bit draconian you might say, 'I think not', These loonies are the main cause of the carnage on our roads and deserve all what' coming to them. While driving for an hour along the F3 Freeway on the 17th March 05, my passenger recorded 83 incidents of vehicles speeding 5kph beyond the set limit some more than 10kph over the limit. My advice to you leadfoots is : Simply leave for your destination earlier than your usual time, slow down, notice the look of relief on your passengers faces as they eye the scenary, instead of the white knuckled look of fear when you drove like a dickhead. It is my personal view repeat offenders should be flogged in public, or their vehicle impounded or both. VEST.

Apes: Why should G R A S P grab the funds of well meaning Ape sympathisers, who are targeting the public in order to support the people who in turn give assistance to the various types of dwindling Ape populations on mother earth. Why not, you might say. Well I think not! with reservations of course. Those kind hearted people presently involved are doing a good job, No doubt about that, how far from extinction are they in their rapidly diminishing rain forests? could they be relocated to other rain forest areas like in Australia, unlikely, might be the reply from the immigration dept, If they tend to be more human than other animals repeat animals it would not be long before they claimed social security benefits like havent we got enough bone idle apes on the dole already. Would they assimulate into our suburban population and become model citizens? If so, what particular suburb would you recommend they be directed to,like, Appin or chimpindale or maybe they would be happy in Foresvill...

Other blogs have recently been inundated with misc crap relating to big ears and his horse, this is slightly different. Hopefully, as the pollies say this may keep you amused, especially some of you bone idle sods on the dole, lazing around, "Go on, Get your self a job". Anyhow i'll need an explanation from you, telling me why you had time to waste to enter the 'Limerick Competition' First Prize a self funded back packer holiday in Somalia. So here we go you Miltons Grays and Kiplings, remember, No dunny doggeral, like "One would think with all this wit etc" Remember, only five line limerick poems only, depicting the nuptials of Chas and Cam. Now get on with.

What happened to the slogan Kiss a non smoker and taste the difference. Did some tobacco company buy the copyright and ban its publication? If so what about a new slogan!! remember the kids will have to see it too. My partner and myself are non smokers and only experience this dreadful thing at pissy-arsed social gatherings. What have you experienced when kissing a tobacco smoker? be careful now. What are your thoughts on tobacco usage in general? like,Ban them, ration them or tax them into oblivion or wear a non smokers badge which states: "Blow that shit in my face and you will die you bastard". Remember you dopey smokers, It will reduce your shagging days considerably and each fag an hour of your life. Or should they be fitted with chimneys? YOU DECIDE.

So why do we have to put up with watching our favourite sports people displaying them selves like drunken ape like louts at a Barry Dogshead afternoon Barby. The crabby appearance of our nose picking, unshaven crutch scratching Oz Cricketers, who cheat like the blazes, even though being assumed as the best in the world, but I am not too sure about that. Why refer to them as sporting Heros. I think not, that is bullshite. Hardly a life threatening dying for your country situation, maybe for their opponents, when that dunny sized blonde weetbix munching dicko loses his cool. I believe they are a bunch of arrogant actors-well paid icons. nothing else. Are they worse than the other teams of flanneled fools? Are Oz umpires cheating our opponents? I think so. I believe the pommies are nice well bred players. What say you old chappie? Where is the Wankhede Cricket stadium? Did Robbo once say, dunno I fink they all are?

Good morning to you all on this wet and windy day on the Central Coast of N S W Australia. This blog is not intended for the overheated super educated persons, whose main intent is to impress us with their glossary of alternate words and expressions which tend to become meaningless to normal average people. I will not be impressed by inane one word stupid comments. You may use clear precise philistinic grammar. but keep it readable, for the masses. Overdone obscene statements may be deleted.