WHO WANTS TO BE A CLUCKWIT

Subject: Idiotic 'Millionaire' Contestant Makes Worst Use Of Lifelines Ever
Idiotic ‘Millionaire’ Contestant Makes Worst Use Of Lifelines Ever

Kathy X, the single dumbest contestant to ever get on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?"
NEW YORK – Ranier- Minnesota resident Kathy X brought humiliation to her friends and family Tuesday when she set a new standard for stupidity with her appearance on the popular TV show, “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.”It seems that Kathy, a 51-year-old wife and mother of two, got stuck on the first question, and proceeded to
make what fans of the show are dubbing “the absolute worst use of lifelines ever.”
After being introduced to the show’s host Meredith Vieira, Kathy X assured her that she was ready to play, whereupon she was posed with an extremely easy $100 question. The question was:
“Which of the following is the largest?” ) A PeanutB) An ElephantC) The MoonD) Hey, who you calling large?
Immediately Kathy was struck with an all consuming panic as she realized that this was a question to which she did not readily know the answer.
“Hmm, oh boy, that’s a toughie,” said Kathy, as Vieira did her level best to hide her disbelief and disgust. “I mean, I’m sure I’ve heard of some of these things before, but I have no idea how large they would be.”
Kathy made the decision to use the first of her three lifelines, the 50/50. Answers A and D were removed, leaving her to decide which was bigger, an elephant or the moon. However, faced with an incredibly easy question, Kathy still remained unsure.
“Oh! It removed the two I was leaning towards!” exclaimed Kathy. “Darn. I think I better phone a friend.”
Using the second of her two lifelines on the first question, Kath asked to be connected with her friend , Fat Tweety the local bonehead .
“Hi Fatso! How are you? This is Kathy! I’m on TV!” said Kathy wasting the first seven seconds of her call. “Ok, I got an important question. Which of the following is the largest? B, an elephant, or C, the moon. 15 seconds hun.”
Fat Tweety quickly replied that the answer was C, the moon. Kathy proceeded to argue with her friend for the remaining ten seconds.
“Come on Fatso, are you sure?” said Kathy. “How sure are you? Puh, that can’t be it.”
To everyone’s astonishment, the moronic Kathy declined to take her friend’s advice and pick ‘The Moon.’
“I just don’t know if I can trust That fat Tweety. She’s not all that bright. So I think I’d like to ask the audience,” said Kathy.
Asked to vote on the correct answer, the audience returned 98% in favor of answer C, ‘The Moon.’ Having used up all her lifelines, Kathy then made the dumbest choice of her life.
“Wow, seems like everybody is against what I’m thinking,” said the too-stupid-to-live Kathy. “But you know, sometimes you just got to go with your gut. So, let’s see. For which is larger, an elephant or the moon, I’m going to have to go with B, an elephant. Because a cow can jump over the moon but certainly not an elephant. Final answer.” Kathy sat before the dumbfounded audience, the only one waiting with bated breath, and was told that she was wrong, and that the answer was in fact, C, 'The Moon.'