Joke Time. Add your joke here to compliment this Joke sent by NIGEL in England.
MARRIAGE.
You have two choices in life:You can stay single and be miserable,or get married and wish you were dead.__________ At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?''Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.' __________ A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:'Husband Wanted'.Next day she received a hundred letters.They all said the same thing:'You can have mine.' __________When a woman steals your husband,there is no better revenge than to let her keep him. __________A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished .__________A little boy asked his father,'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?'Father replied, 'I don't know son, I'm still paying.' __________A young son asked,'Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africaa man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?'Dad replied, 'That happens in every country, son.' __________Then there was a woman who said,'I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,and by then, it was too late.' __________ Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.__________If you want your spouse to listen andpay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep. __________ Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.__________First guy says, 'My wife's an angel!'Second guy remarks, 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.' __________ 'A Woman's Prayer:Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man , to Love and to forgive him , and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death' __________AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!! Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, 'Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.'The blind man replies, 'If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up.'
You have two choices in life:You can stay single and be miserable,or get married and wish you were dead.__________ At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?''Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.' __________ A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:'Husband Wanted'.Next day she received a hundred letters.They all said the same thing:'You can have mine.' __________When a woman steals your husband,there is no better revenge than to let her keep him. __________A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished .__________A little boy asked his father,'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?'Father replied, 'I don't know son, I'm still paying.' __________A young son asked,'Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africaa man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?'Dad replied, 'That happens in every country, son.' __________Then there was a woman who said,'I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,and by then, it was too late.' __________ Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.__________If you want your spouse to listen andpay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep. __________ Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.__________First guy says, 'My wife's an angel!'Second guy remarks, 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.' __________ 'A Woman's Prayer:Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man , to Love and to forgive him , and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death' __________AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!! Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, 'Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.'The blind man replies, 'If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up.'
Comments
A guy used a bicycle tyre tube as a condom so he could recycle and go non stop all night
Ella: Cracks in relationships is what happens to us while we're making other plans. And in the end it's not the years in your life that count.
It's the life in your years.
i married her coz I cudnt afford paying for it
so I bought the cow
but all I wanted was milk
i married him coz he had a nice job and a bright future so I tot
I was rong
he lost his job
went into biz
lost his money too
Never marry a man with a bright future
I am now
I am horny all the time
she is not
she has headaches all the time
but the hunks didnt fancy her
so she married me
but i give good head
but I dont get any in return
its 666 all the way
she dont fancy 69
I booked a honeymoon suite in a beach side hotel
she made me cancel
we ended up seeing a Woody Allen movie
Woody Allen
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
Woody Allen
Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.
Woody Allen
Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.
Woody Allen
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
Woody Allen
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Woody Allen
Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.
Woody Allen
He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.
Woody Allen
His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
Woody Allen
I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen
I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
Woody Allen
I am two with nature.
Woody Allen
I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
Woody Allen
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Woody Allen
I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her.
Woody Allen
I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
Woody Allen
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
Woody Allen
I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
Woody Allen
I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.
Woody Allen
I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
Woody Allen
I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
Woody Allen
I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.'
Woody Allen
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
Woody Allen
I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
Woody Allen
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
Woody Allen
I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.
Woody Allen
I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.
Woody Allen
If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
Woody Allen
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
Woody Allen
Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.
Woody Allen
Marriage is the death of hope.
Woody Allen
Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
Woody Allen
My one regret in life is that I am not VEST
then I cud have had RM.
Woody Allen
However, a brief respite from the pain in and around my right eye, selfish as it may seem; is all I live for at this moment.
Anonymous-es: Thankyou for your humorous input. Great stuff.
Everyone have a lovely day.
laff at Keshis antics
read it on IUMNUTSINCAPS
i will take the second from u
I will take RM
Writing ought either to be the manufacture of stories for which there is a market demand -- a business as safe and commendable as making soap or breakfast foods -- or it should be an art, which is always a search for something for which there is no market demand, something new and untried, where the values are intrinsic and have nothing to do with standardized values.
More quotes from Willa Sibert Cather
QuoteWorld
George Cadbury (philanthropist).
Viscount Nuffield aka William Morris, philanthropist.
Dr Barnardo, Philanthropist.
Vice Admiral George Bowyer(Ushant 1893) my Grt Grt Grt Grt Grt Grt grand father.
Admiral Lord Nelson, the greatest, even though he was a fornicating rat bag.
Albert Einstein. Some might agree he was JC. returned to save us all.
A god like figure.
The present.
ER in doors. My nearest and dearest
Heaven sent, trusting and giving.
And beautiful.
Keshi, A pearl. The irrefutable and unquestionable Keshi, the Goddess of blogging, and more, a breath of fresh air when needed.
Jesus
Ka Kr I cant decide who I love more
MK Gandhi
RM
Vest
Keshi