The DONG with a Luminous Nose.

During my schooldays at a Naval preparatory school, our English teacher an ex army Major WW1, Mr A D Bates(true) Who had been gassed in the trenches on the western front, yelled ; ''Open the windows open the doors" he was met with "Down with the roofs and up with the floors" from a chorus of boys who had been farting in the classroom before his arrival, the farting being attributed to the miscellaneous soup and dumplings served at lunchtime. Having crossed swords too often with Mr Bates I was singled out for punishment. I was told to open the poetry book at random and learn by heart the poem within. The look of dismay on my face followed large guffaws from that old sod when he announced my choice to the class who also saw it to be funny and in turn were given a similar task to learn "The Dong With a Luminous Nose".
This incident was resurrected when I answered a question on last Friday's Televised 'EGGHEADS' show, when I gave the only correct answer. That's right you guessed.
The Dong with a Luminous Nose. (This will test your patience and tolerance level) I am also offering The infamous Andrew , B. at ims unwired; (he being a clever dick) a prize of $100, should he be able to recite to me in person unaided - this poem which follows. Now take a deep breath. Tell me If you gave up before you read it to the end.


The DONG With A Luminous Nose.....
When awful darkness and silence reign Over the great Gromboolian plain,Through the long, long wintry nights;-When the angry breakers roar As they beat on the rocky shore;-When Storm-clouds brood on the towering heights Of the hills of the Chankly Bore:- Then, through the vast and gloomy dark,There moves what seems a fiery spark,A lonely spark with silvery rays Piercing the coal-black night,-Hither and thither the vision strays,A single lurid light. Slowly it wanders, - pauses, - creeps, -Anon it sparkles, - flashes and leaps;And ever as onward it gleaming goes light on the Bong-tree stems it throws.And those who watch at that midnight hour from Hall or Terrace, or lofty Tower,Cry, as the wild light passes along, - "The Dong! - the Dong! "The wandering Dong through the forest goes! "The Dong! the Dong! "The Dong with a luminous Nose!" Long years ago The Dong was happy and gay,Till he fell in love with a Jumbly Girl Who came to those shores one day.For the Jumblies came in a Sieve, they did, -Landing at Eve near the Zemmery Fidd Where the Oblong Oysters grow,And the rocks are smooth and gray.And all the woods and the valleys rang With the chorus they daily and nightly sang, - "Far and few, far and few, Are the lands where the Jumblies live; Their heads are green, and their hands are blue, And they went to sea in a sieve." Happily, happily passed those days!While the cheerful Jumblies staid;They danced in circlets all night long,To the plaintive pipe of the lively Dong,In moonlight, shine or shade.For day and night he was always there By the side of the Jumbly Girl so fair,With her sky-blue hands, and her sea-green hair.Till the morning came of that hateful day When the Jumblies sailed in their sieve away,And the Dong was left on the cruel shore Gazing - gazing for evermore,-Ever keeping his weary eyes on That pea-green sail on the far horizon, -Singing the Jumbly Chorus still As he sate all day on the grassy hill, - "Far and few, far and few, Are the lands where the Jumblies live; Their heads are green, and their hands are blue, And they went to sea in a sieve." But when the sun was low in the West,The Dong arose and said, -"What little sense I once possessed Has quite gone out of my head!"And since that day he wanders still By lake and forest, marsh and hill,Singing - "O somewhere, in valley or plain"Might I find my Jumbly Girl again!"For ever I'll seek by lake and shore"Till I find my Jumbly Girl once more!" Playing a pipe with silvery squeaks,Since then his Jumbly Girl he seeks,And because by night he could not see,He gathered the bark of Twangum Tree On the flowery plain that grows.And he wove him a wondrous Nose, -A Nose as strange as a Nose could be!Of vast proportions and painted red,And tied with cords to the back of his head.- In a hollow rounded space it ended With a luminous lamp within suspended,All fenced about With a bandage stout To prevent the wind from blowing it out; -And with holes all round to send the light,In gleaming rays on the dismal night. And now each night, and all night long,Over those plains still roams the Dong;And above the wail of the Chimp and Snipe You may hear the squeak of his plaintive pipe While ever he seeks, but seeks in vain To meet with his Jumbly Girl again;Lonely and wild - all night he goes, -The Dong with a luminous Nose!And all who watch at the midnight hour,From Hall or Terrace, or lofty Tower,Cry, as they trace the Meteor bright,Moving along through the dreary night, - "This is the hour when forth he goes, "The Dong with a luminous Nose! "Yonder - over the plain he goes; "He goes! "He goes; "The Dong with a luminous nose.

My title would be "The Feller with the Luminous Smeller".

Ok Andrew B, ill raise the ante, another 100 bucks to charity, can't have you getting sloshed at my expense. Vest.


March 17 09.
Reply received from Andrew B. You will notice he is correcting my copied poem of Edward Lear, 'the Dong'.

Very amusing Vest.Very entertaining also. I like it, but there are easier ways of making $100 (give us a break!)I'll happily buy you a bottle of scotch and you can be getting sloshed at my expense.As long as you don't go falling over any invisible steps again....Cheers!
The DONG with a Luminous Nose.
During my schooldays at a Naval preparatory school, our English teacher an ex army Major WW1, Mr A D Bates [insert space here] (true) Who had been gassed in the trenches on the western front, yelled ; ''Open the windows open the doors" he was met with "Down with the roofs and up with the floors" from a chorus of boys who had been farting in the classroom before his arrival, the farting being attributed to the miscellaneous soup and dumplings served at lunchtime. Having crossed swords too often with Mr Bates I was singled out for punishment. I was told to open the poetry book at random and learn by heart the poem within. The look of dismay on my face followed large guffaws from that old sod when he announced my choice to the class who also saw it to be funny and in turn were given a similar task to learn "The Dong With a Luminous Nose".This incident was resurrected when I answered a question on last Friday's Televised 'EGGHEADS' show, when I gave the only correct answer. That's right you guessed.The Dong with a Luminous Nose. (This will test your patience and tolerance level) I am also offering The infamous Andrew , B. at ims unwired; (he being a clever dick) a prize of $100, should he be able to recite to me in person unaided - this poem which follows. Now take a deep breath. Tell me If you gave up before you read it to the end.The DONG With A Luminous Nose.....When awful darkness and silence reign Over the great Gromboolian plain,Through the long, long wintry nights;-When the angry breakers roar As they beat on the rocky shore;-When Storm-clouds brood on the towering heights Of the hills of the Chankly Bore:- Then, through the vast and gloomy dark,There moves what seems a fiery spark,A lonely spark with silvery rays Piercing the coal-black night,-Hither and thither the vision strays, [insert space here] A single lurid light. Slowly it wanders, - pauses, - creeps, -Anon it sparkles, - flashes and leaps;And ever as onward it gleaming goes light on the Bong-tree stems it throws. [insert space here] And those who watch at that midnight hour from Hall or Terrace, or lofty Tower,Cry, as the wild light passes along, - "The Dong! - the Dong! "The wandering Dong through the forest goes! "The Dong! the Dong! "The Dong with a luminous Nose!" Long years ago The Dong was happy and gay, [insert space here] Till he fell in love with a Jumbly Girl Who came to those shores one day.For the Jumblies came in a Sieve, they did, -Landing at Eve near the Zemmery Fidd Where the Oblong Oysters grow, [insert space here] And the rocks are smooth and gray.And all the woods and the valleys rang With the chorus they daily and nightly sang, - "Far and few, far and few, Are the lands where the Jumblies live; Their heads are green, and their hands are blue, And they went to sea in a sieve." Happily, happily passed those days! [insert space here] While the cheerful Jumblies staid;They danced in circlets all night long,To the plaintive pipe of the lively Dong, [insert space here] In moonlight, shine or shade.For day and night he was always there By the side of the Jumbly Girl so fair,With her sky-blue hands, and her sea-green hair. [insert space here] Till the morning came of that hateful day When the Jumblies sailed in their sieve away, [insert space here] And the Dong was left on the cruel shore Gazing - gazing for evermore, [insert space here] -Ever keeping his weary eyes on That pea-green sail on the far horizon, -Singing the Jumbly Chorus still As he sate all day on the grassy hill, - "Far and few, far and few, Are the lands where the Jumblies live; Their heads are green, and their hands are blue, And they went to sea in a sieve." But when the sun was low in the West, [insert space here] The Dong arose and said, -"What little sense I once possessed Has quite gone out of my head!" [insert space here] And since that day he wanders still By lake and forest, marsh and hill,Singing - "O somewhere, in valley or plain" [insert space here] Might I find my Jumbly Girl again! [insert space here] "For ever I'll seek by lake and shore" [insert space here] Till I find my Jumbly Girl once more!" Playing a pipe with silvery squeaks, [insert space here] Since then his Jumbly Girl he seeks, [insert space here] And because by night he could not see, [insert space here] He gathered the bark of Twangum Tree On the flowery plain that grows. [insert space here] And he wove him a wondrous Nose, -A Nose as strange as a Nose could be! [insert space here] Of vast proportions and painted red, [insert space here] And tied with cords to the back of his head.- In a hollow rounded space it ended With a luminous lamp within suspended, [insert space here] All fenced about With a bandage stout To prevent the wind from blowing it out; -And with holes all round to send the light,In gleaming rays on the dismal night. And now each night, and all night long,Over those plains still roams the Dong;And above the wail of the Chimp and Snipe You may hear the squeak of his plaintive pipe While ever he seeks, but seeks in vain To meet with his Jumbly Girl again;Lonely and wild - all night he goes, -The Dong with a luminous Nose! [insert space here] And all who watch at the midnight hour, [insert space here] From Hall or Terrace, or lofty Tower,Cry, as they trace the Meteor bright, [insert space here] Moving along through the dreary night, - "This is the hour when forth he goes, "The Dong with a luminous Nose! " [insert space here] Yonder - over the plain he goes; "He goes! " [insert space here] He goes; "The Dong with a luminous nose.My title would be "The Feller with the Luminous Smeller".Ok Andrew B, I'll raise the ante, another 100 bucks to charity, can't have you getting sloshed at my expense. Vest.
I hope this saga ends right now. Vest.