Disaster At the Barby, or 'Cook your own, (Turn it Once Only)

How often are you invited to a barbecue, and find a Bert Banger type bloke, the traditional piss up chef and Master of the household out door cooking stuffing up the sangers and steaks.  Well I reckon there are nine of these incompetent twits in every ten  households. In most cases these blokes have already been at the beer before your arrival and is usually confirmed by his nibs stacking his empty bottles so all can see what a mutton head he is. Now this guy should not be entrusted to get near that large juicy 16Oz rump steak fresh from the abattoir and already primed with oil, because you know how; and why it should be cooked.
 Having checked the temp of the Barby plate by dropping a blob of water and seeing it disappear fast, you place your steak or if you are poor ( hamburger or sausage) gently onto the Barby plate and pat down.
You then stand guard over your steak in case mutton head starts flipping it over and over like everyone Else's steak; which by the time you have Flipped your steak once only after five or six minutes. and the same time for the other side to cook, your juicy melt in the mouth steak will be on your plate and exciting your palate, whereas Mutton head has drunkenly flipped the other guys steaks umpteen times and still flipping when yours has been consumed.
As for Mutton heads steaks or should I say baked leather, they will require more than a sharp knife and razor teeth to masticate to a consumable consistency.

Happy Barby.....Vest....Back later.