The British Royal Navy News.
Royal Navy News
The Royal Navy is very proud to
announce its new fleet of Type 45 destroyers.
Having initially named the first two
ships HMS Daring and HMS Dauntless, the Naming Commi
Royal Navy News
The Royal Navy is very proud to
announce its new fleet of Type 45 destroyers.
Having initially named the first two
ships HMS Daring and HMS Dauntless, the Naming Committee has, after intensive
pressure from Brussels , renamed them HMS Cautious and HMS Prudence. The next
five ships are to be HMS Empathy, HMS Circumspect, HMS Nervous, HMS Timorous
and HMS Apologist.
Costing £850 million each, they comply
with the very latest employment, equality, health & safety and human rights
laws.
The Royal Navy fully expects any future
enemy to be jolly decent and to comply with the same high standards of
behaviour.
The new user-friendly crow's nest has excellent wheelchair access. Live ammunition has been replaced with paintballs to reduce the risk of anyone getting hurt and to cut down on the number of compensation claims. Stress counsellors and lawyers will be on board, as will a full sympathetic industrial tribunal.
The crew will be 50/50 men and women, and will contain the correct balance of race, gender, sexuality and disability.
The new user-friendly crow's nest has excellent wheelchair access. Live ammunition has been replaced with paintballs to reduce the risk of anyone getting hurt and to cut down on the number of compensation claims. Stress counsellors and lawyers will be on board, as will a full sympathetic industrial tribunal.
The crew will be 50/50 men and women, and will contain the correct balance of race, gender, sexuality and disability.
Sailors will only work a maximum of
37hrs per week as per Brussels Rules on Working Hours, even in wartime.
All the vessels are equipped with a
maternity ward, a creche and a Gay Disco.
Tobacco will be banned throughout the ship, but recreational cannabis will be allowed in wardrooms and messes.
Tobacco will be banned throughout the ship, but recreational cannabis will be allowed in wardrooms and messes.
The Royal Navy is eager to shed its
traditional reputation for; "Rum, sodomy and the lash"; so out has
gone the rum ration, replaced by sparkling water. Sodomy remains, now extended
to include all ratings under 18. The lash will still be available on request.
Saluting of officers is now considered
elitist and has been replaced by "Hello Sailor".
All information on notice boards will
be in 37 different languages and Braille.
Crew members will now no longer have to
ask permission to grow beards and/or moustaches. This applies equally to male
crew.
The MoD is inviting suggestions for a "non-specific" flag because the White Ensign may offend minorities. The Union Jack must never be seen.
The MoD is inviting suggestions for a "non-specific" flag because the White Ensign may offend minorities. The Union Jack must never be seen.
The newly re-named HMS Cautious will be
commissioned shortly by Captain Hook from the Finsbury Park Mosque who will
break a petrol bomb over the hull.
She will gently slide into the sea as
the Royal Marines Band plays "In the Navy" by the Village People. Her
first deployment will be to escort boatloads of illegal immigrants to ports on
England 's south coast.
The Prime Minister, reading from his notes - again - said, "Our ships reflect the very latest in modern thinking and they will always be able to comply with any new legislation from Brussels ."
Her final words were, "Britannia waives the rules."
The Prime Minister, reading from his notes - again - said, "Our ships reflect the very latest in modern thinking and they will always be able to comply with any new legislation from Brussels ."
Her final words were, "Britannia waives the rules."
"Up spirits; Stand fast the holy Ghost"
Vest ....Back soon.
Comments
I hope all is well with you, with Rosemary, and your new home.
According to a different source, their Commander in Chief decided that 'depleted' was too 'wishy-washy' and ordered full strength (Though with trade barriers coming into force - one wonders where he's going to get the uranium from - probably won't be a worry - with a massively strengthened military, invading some tin pot African nation will be a 'pushover'). After all - "alternative facts" and "truthful hyperbole" is his basic (fantasy universe) strength.